Two Bhagats too many

Will the real Bhagat Singh please stand up? I am completely confused. Who is the “Legend�? And which one the “Shaheed�? Or are they both legends and shaheeds? Is there any real difference? Is Tom Alter, our token gora, in both films? If he is, does he play the same role? What about Aishwarya Rai? Which version does she star in as an unlikely Sardarni — or is it just a cameo we’ve been teased with? Is it true that the British Council’s main man, Paul Smith, is acting as General Dyer in one of the films? Or does he play the hangman? What about his lovely wife, Viveka Kumari? Is she Mata Vidyavati to Ajay Devgan’s Bhagat Singh? Or is that Farida Jalal?
Who on earth is Amrita Rao? Suneeta Rao’s younger sister? And if she is Suneeta Rao’s younger sister, can we expect some more Raos to pop out of the woodwork like the latest Reddys and Aroras, who seem to materialise out of nowhere every 6 months? If Amrita (Rao, not Arora) plays “The Girl from Manawal village� (what? No name?) in Raj Kumar Santoshi’s film, who plays Bhagat Singh’s ‘widow’ (never mind that he died a bachelor) in the other film? Has A R Rahman created the soundtrack of both films? Or has he been far too busy with Bombay Dreams and left the job to his understudy? Is Amisha Patel in either of the films? Or is it just that all these patriotic movie resemble Gadar, which resembled a TV serial telecast on Doordarshan a couple of decades ago? Why is it that all the promotional stuff designed for patriotic films is sepia-toned? Is that the official colour of patriotism?
And who will make a better Bhagat Singh — Ajay Devgan, the serious actor with snake eyes? Or Bobby Deol, the lightweight with goat eyes? Which one of them carries off Bhagat Singh’s unique topi with more panache? The guy from Company or the other one from...from... that Bipasha Basu starrer, what-was-the-name-again?
And wait a minute, isn’t there another bloke called Igbal Dhillon who’s also making his version of the legend and calling it Shaheed? And if there is a third Bhagat, maybe there is a fourth and fifth, too. Or maybe Bollywood will make only Bhagat Singh variants over the next few years? And everybody will get to play the Legend or the Shaheed or the Shaheed-E-Azam, eventually, even Jimmy Shergill? And after they’re done with doing Bhagat, maybe they’ll clone the clones from Star Wars Episode II, and dress them as Bhagat?
Oh dear. This is getting a bit too complex. The last time I saw the Shaheed (Bobby Deol), he was visiting his in-laws in the neighbouring building and playing football with the teenagers of the complex. He looked rather sweet. And the liftmen and watchmen couldn’t stop talking about what a nice and normal man “Bobby Saab� was, greeting everybody and joking with all the drivers. I wish I’d stared more closely at him to see whether there was any revolutionary fire in those tired eyes. Alas, all I’d spotted were bags and bags under them. It’s a tough life being an actor, I guess. Tougher still when you’re playing one of the many Bhagat Singhs.
The last time I saw Ajay Devgan, it was in the lobby of a posh hotel in Kuala Lumpur. We hadn’t wished each other then, since he was mad at me. Really, really mad. I guess he had reason to be. So, I didn’t get to look into his eyes either. But they resemble smouldering coals even when he isn’t angry. Unless, of course, he is permanently angry. Which is possible and understandable in these stressed out times.
Now, the big question is: which Bhagat Singh to see? I have heard the music, seen the clips and bought the T-shirt. I would like to see Devgan because Devgan lacks glamour and looks lean and hungry, as a good revolutionary should. I would also like to see Bobby Deol, since I sincerely believe he’s a better actor than his brother Sunny. And a far better actor than his father Dharmendra.
That leaves Iqbal Dhillon. What the hell, why not see him, too? On the other hand, I''m thinking of skipping all three Bhagats, and settling for Spider-man. Or better still, I’ll stay home and watch Asoka — The Series on Star.